In this article let’s discuss about struggles of being a single mother and how to overcome different challenges.
Marriages are settled in heaved but celebrated on earth
Whenever a person gets married they have very high hopes that they are gonna spend the rest of their life together with love and mutual support be it a love marriage or an arranged one. Marriages are settled in heaven but celebrated on Earth. Well, rich people get married very easily, than the poor ones. A simple and innocent family with not so strong financial background struggles a lot to get their daughters or sons married. Marriage is also a compulsion, as if you are not married at the right age, people raise a lot of questions on your capabilities and they automatically think they have got all the rights to judge you. So there is an added pressure from the society that you have to get married.
But what if you unfortunately married a wrong person and realize that all your dreams are shattered to the ground.
In India a single, separated, divorced, widowed woman is still considered a taboo. Social stigma surrounding divorce still hangs heavy over women. Nobody wants to know what you have gone through in your past life, but definitely they all want to pass judgement and comments. No one cares or tries to help the women going through the hell of their lives but they all will talk about her behind her back and by any chance if you have revealed anyone about your past bitter experiences, then they will totally ignore you from next time and you are being outcast. A Widow is often considered ominous in India and is not invited to the auspicious occasions of the families.
Feeling of left out and loneliness
Your school and college friends living a healthy and happy married lives break all the contacts with you and they are least bothered about your present conditions and no one wants to offer you a helping hand. At such weak points only your self confidence and your biggest strengths in the form of your kids help you out.
And yes!!! Separation is better than depression. Trying to fix a toxic relationship is a mere waste of time. If you don’t feel safe and loved in a marriage then its better to leave and yes leave on time. If you don’t leave today you will leave tomorrow because toxic marriage is impossible to continue. Don’t waste your life. Start a new life on your own. Parents should also accept their daughters with open arms without taunting or harassing them to move back to their toxic marriages.
SINGLE MOM’S BIGGEST STRUGGLES:-
Finances and financial support are huge problems. Its very difficult to be a single mom, make enough money and have adequate childcare. The expenses of the kid or kids are really unbearable for a single mom. Getting your child’s admission in a good school and if you don’t have anyone to look after them, then daycare charges, struggling with basic necessities. Finding a job that will work as per your child’s daycare schedule, quite tedious at times.
No HELP AT ALL
There is no Self care time, struggle of playing both roles, feeling stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed with not having individuals who understand you. Everything is on your shoulders and if anyone offers help, they are definitely going to ask you a favor in return of this help.
You often feel like you have no one to lean on or talk to. Sometimes you even feel guilty for your failed marriage. People will always make you feel like you are good for nothing just because you could not save your marriage. You always feel low, lack of self confidence, always listening to the derogatory comments, trolling, judging, getting criticized about your parenting skills. You actually start feeling that you are doing nothing and are useless.
You feel Isolated and blame yourself for not being good enough to have a family. Every time when the kids ask where is their father, you struggle to explain and start feeling anxiety and depression. It would feel like you are unable to trust anyone and literally doubt each and everyone around you. You become bitter and always irritated due to lack of being loved or cared. You feel alone and find out that people around you want to take undue advantage of your bad situation.
LACK OF RECOGNITION
There is no one to support single mothers who take care of their children and are doing it all alone. She doesn’t receive recognition for the hard work that she has to do. No one motivates, inspires or make the mother understand that no matter how hard life get, you will make it.
One of the struggles of being a single mother is that people tend to ignore you and you are not being invited to the social gatherings and parties. People always try to make you feel inferior and ask you questions about your failed marriages again and again. Not out of sympathy but just to make fun of your problems.
PROBLEM FOR GIRLS’ FAMILY
If you get support of your parents and are staying with them, then this point becomes troublesome for your family especially if you have siblings who are unmarried. No one wants to be a part of such family where the daughter is already sitting in their parents homes. Without knowing the facts they simply refuse to get married to your brothers or sisters. And you start cursing yourself for this too.
Remarriage is one of the many struggles a single mother would have to tackle. If you have no child from your first marriage then you get re-married easily but if you have a kid or kids then nobody seems interested in you. They put the condition to give the custody of the kids to their grandparents, only then they can marry the single mom. And after remarriage hardly the boy’s family is going to accept you. You are always going to be be criticized about your past life.
FEAR AND ANXIETY
Uncertainty about future is what makes a single mother anxious and fearful about. You are always afraid of your future which seems uncertain, so many “What If’s” are circulating into your mind. you are always worried about your and your kid’s security, fear of failing as a mother. If something happens to you then who will take care of them? How are you going to give them a secured future and playing both the roles perfectly and many more stuffs like that keep revolving into your head.
HOW TO MANAGE THE STRESS
Try to work on your shortcomings. If you are not happy with your body weight or are too skinny you may work on these things and gain self confidence. Look into the mirror and admire yourself.
Don’t compare your life with others. “All that glitters is not gold” You never know whether someone is truly happy or is just faking it. May be they are just trying to show themselves as the happiest and strongest persons but are totally opposite in reality.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Struggles of being a single mother is that you would gradually start to stop believing in yourself. This is something you have to overcome very strongly. Have confidence on yourself because other people are already there to degrade you. Take a stand. Build yourself. Search for a good job and keep yourself engaged to get rid of the situation. Take care of yourself. Heal yourself.
JOIN SUPPORT GROUPS
The purpose of a support group is usually to provide an opportunity to the participants to share their feelings, the ups and downs of their life, so that they can find encouragement and empathy from the others who are in the similar situation.
DON’T TRY TO BE PERFECT
“Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” – Elizabeth Gilbert.
Being a single struggling mother, you might feel guilty. Feeling guilty takes away your individuality and freedom. Don’t try to be perfect in everything. Nobody is perfect. Whenever you do something, there are only two chances; Either you succeed or You may not, What else? Don’t give a damn to what others will say? Be proud of yourself!
SPEND TIME WITH YOUR KIDS
Even if your work is piled up, take a small break and get engaged with your little ones. Hug them, love them, talk to them, play with them, do activities together. Remember to praise your child. This will help you make the boredom period fun and you will feel much better than before.
Everything Happens for a Reason. Stay calm and patient. Don’t show your weaknesses to others. Smile and laugh. Nothing is permanent. This too shall pass.
DON’T TRUST PEOPLE BLINDLY
Laugh with many but don’t trust any. Don’t get trapped in any fraud online or offline work. Human beings are the most unfaithful creatures sometimes. Even if you are drowning in life, don’t let others know about it. Refrain from posting your personal problems on social media, you are only going to have spam messages. Nobody comes forward for real help.
LEARN NEW SKILLS
When we succeed in learning something we feel better and more confident in ourselves. Knowledge is power. When you have knowledge, you have the power to achieve many things. Learning new talents will help you gain self confidence and self esteem.
To conclude struggles of being a single mother article, I just hope the mindset of people will change in coming years about single moms. Governments should reserve some safe and secure jobs for such ladies and also should provide free accommodation to them. People should offer them a helping hand without judging or trolling them. Though somewhere in my mind I know it is less likely.